30 May 2007

If a chimp can do it, a kitten can do it better...

At a diner in New Hampshire yesterday, a voter told me he would never vote for a kitten for president. I don't see what the big deal is. America already voted for a chimpanzee. Later it turned out the voter in NH was just a liberal political operative who was planning to vote for Billary anyway.

29 May 2007

Salary...

Salary unnecessary. When you elect me president, I will donate all of my salary to the Society for Unwanted Cute Kittens as I don't require much more than a few pieces of fish and a litter box to keep me happy. That and I already have more money than God.

24 May 2007

Same-Sex Marriage...

I oppose discrimination against gay people. I am not anti-gay. I know there are some Republicans, or some people in the country who are looking for someone who is anti-gay and that’s not me. Some of the best cat food I've had was served to me by the gays.
I do not approve of same-sex marriage, however. Since cats cannot marry, I don't approve of marriage for anyone, though... gay, straight, or canine (those dogs will hump anything).

I can't believe...

I can't believe ABC News was so reckless as to report that the CIA has clandestine operations going on in Iran. Reporting on secret operations is very dangerous. It puts our national security at risk and endangers the lives of our secret Persian cat operatives in Iran (or as I prefer to call it, Persia). I am shocked.

22 May 2007

I believe...

"I believe the American people are the source of our cat food. They always have been.
They always will be." — Mittens Romney

15 May 2007

Meow...

I'll meow anything to get elected. Just like that Los Lobos song "La Pinata" I'll move a little to the left and then a little to the right... (or a lot) to get elected.