28 June 2007

Dogs on Top...

I've been taking a lot of crap today for strapping my dog Seamus to the roof of my car for a 12-hour trip to Canada and Seamus taking a crap all over the roof of my car. Come on, people! It was a dog. It's not like I did it to a cat.

24 June 2007

Credibility in Early Primary States

Well, well... the polls are out in Iowa and New Hampshire and it looks like all my money has paid off. I'm ahead in the polls in those two states because I've spent a boatload of money (and free cat food) there over the past several months. It just goes to show you that any election can be bought... but I'm a billionaire so I don't care how much it costs. Hurrah for me!

20 June 2007

Love Me, Love Me...

Hey so, we just picked our campaign theme song! It was a hard decision, but it was pretty obvious what song we should use, especially after everyone voted in our song poll and wrote in to tell me how much they love me.

The song we've chosen is "Love Fool" by the Cardigans. You know how it goes, "Love me, love me. Say that you love me."

CLICK HERE to hear the Mittens theme song.

Isn't that purrfect!?

19 June 2007

Everybody Loves a Hypocrite

McCat and some of my other challengers have called me a hypocrite on immigration simply because my father was born in Mexico. But it's not like he was some dirty wetback. His parents were from England so he wasn't really Mexican. So, that makes it okay, right? And he may have illegally come to America, but that was a long time ago. I'm not sure there were even immigration laws back then so it probably wasn't even illegal. Just don't get me started about polygamy and the reason he was born in Mexico, okay?

16 June 2007

My Big Stick...


President Theodore Roosevelt said the United States should "Speak softly and carry a big stick," in its foreign relations.

I want to carry the big stick. I hope I don't have to use it, but I want to make sure we have it so that people understand we are a nation of strength.

I want to boost the size of the military by at least 100,000 Siamese cat troops. Those Siamese are FIERCE!

15 June 2007

Scooter...

I was asked recently whether I thought I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby should receive a presidential pardon.  First of all, I think any grown man who goes by "Scooter" is just precious.  I might pardon him just for that if I'm lucky enough to be president.  The abuse of prosecutorial discretion in this case warrants a very careful look.  We all know he was just doing what Cheney told him to do.  And we should all do whatever Dick tells us to do, folks.  Defending Scooter Libby is a great way to attract votes from right wing Republicans so I'll do all I can to get those votes.

04 June 2007

A Cat Shall Lead Them...

There is a certain prophecy that in the "Last Days" a cat will be elected president, riding in on a white horse to save the Constitution which is hanging by a thread. I am that cat.